Let’s face it, a lot of us love the attention of the opposite sex. Or we love it when our crush or someone we find attractive or interesting thinks the same of us. The consistent messages, the gifts, and the social media posts letting their 47 followers know that you are their person can be quite flattering. Love bombing is a manipulative tactic in which someone overwhelms a person with attention, affection, and gifts in the early stages of a relationship. This can create a sense of intense emotional attachment, which the love bomber then exploits to control and manipulate the other person.

Love bombing can be harmful because it creates an unrealistic expectation of love and relationships. It can also be difficult to break free from a love bombing relationship because the victim feels dependent on the love bomber for their emotional well-being. We women are taught to see the best in people, especially people of the opposite sex. This can sometimes cloud our judgment and make us miss the early warning signs.

How to Recognize Love Bombing

Here are some of the signs that you’re being love-bombed and how to deal with it.

Not respecting your boundaries

Many years ago, I had brief and slightly alarming interactions with someone I had matched with. We met once and he immediately decided that I was his girlfriend. He even went as far as posting me on his socials after said date. Needless to say, I was uncomfortable. Things soon became even more uncomfortable when I didn’t answer when he called me during the workday. His explanation was that he missed hearing my voice. Everything came to a head when I explained to him that I wasn’t in a position to answer calls at work, and he immediately took offense and said that I didn’t love him.

The only solution would be to run; girl, you are in danger. But seriously, if after you’ve communicated your boundaries, and if the person persists, it’s better to cut your losses completely and block this person from communicating with you. Seemingly innocuous behaviors in the beginning turn into huge situations further down the line.

Talking about the future way too early

At some point, we’ve all been in a situation where we’re getting along with someone, and one person may make a throwaway comment about getting married and having kids. In the early stages of courtship, this kind of talk isn’t really taken all that seriously however a person who is love bombing would make comments about the future and actually be serious. It does not matter how many times you try and steer the conversations to the safer “getting to know you” topics, the love bomber wants to know that you’re committed and that you have your future planned out to the minute detail.

The experts and I (the non-expert), suggest that you communicate clearly what your expectations of the future entail.

Excessive or over the top gift giving

The internet was a flutter recently when one of the many podcasters detailed how she had received a massive gift basket full of spa products after a first date. She then went on to say that she immediately blocked him because this was the beginning of love bombing. Now, at first glance, this doesn’t immediately seem problematic (I mean, who doesn’t love an unexpected treat)? However, it’s definitely a sign of something on the horizon. Love bombers love getting you expensive gifts and frequently, to win you over and make you feel like the most important and special person ever. They’re only building you up so that they can discard you later.

Excessive flattery/over-communicating their feelings

We all love a good communicator, however, it can be a red flag when the other person is just being “extra”. For example, you might have been on only one date and already the other person is sending you an essay about your amazing beauty and stellar intellect. I mean, I know all these things about myself, but you know, you just met me.

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It can seem quite cute and innocent in the beginning, but it becomes a problem when, on communicating your discomfort at the pace at which said compliments are being given, the other person just ignores you or makes you feel bad about expressing how you feel.

When all is said and done, the majority of us want that attention from our “special person”. Loneliness can sometimes make us deal with situations and people that are less than ideal. The key to avoiding love bombing is to know exactly what your terms and conditions are and not settle for anything less.