Dating can be an exhilarating adventure, but it can also leave us feeling vulnerable and unsure of where we stand. That’s where setting boundaries becomes your secret weapon. It’s all about establishing your personal limits, communicating your needs, and creating a space where you feel respected and valued.

We’ve all met people who just can’t or refuse to take social cues and just regularly overstep people’s boundaries. It can be that nosy co-worker who asks inappropriate questions, or it can be a partner who continuously asks you to do things that make you uncomfortable even after you’ve expressed said discomfort.

Setting boundaries is important because it shows others that you deserve to be treated well and helps you avoid people who don’t have your best interests at heart. However, what if you’re one of those people who have a hard time saying no or you feel awkward when you need to speak up when something is bothering you? How can you set boundaries and make yourself heard?

The Art of Setting Boundaries

Always listen to your gut and communicate

In a dating scenario, it can sometimes be challenging when it comes to setting boundaries, especially in the early days. How do you navigate getting to know someone while also making sure that you’re not compromising any of your wants and needs? How do you communicate what your boundaries are without coming off as confrontational?

Always listen to your gut because it will never lead you astray. As women, we often ignore our gut instincts, sometimes to our detriment. I met someone years ago who (in retrospect) had a repressed personality and the first red flag I noticed (and ignored) was that he told me to “stop moaning” when I expressed displeasure about almost anything. This would continue for about a year. At the time I didn’t have the vocabulary, but my emotional boundaries were being crossed and because he was a “nice guy” and I didn’t want to rock the boat, I had no way of communicating how uneasy I was.

I came to the realization that I wasn’t speaking up for myself. And the key is clear communication, even if you are a tad uncomfortable. Make sure you’re calm and not in your feelings and express clearly how the other person’s behavior makes you feel and how they can respect your boundary.

Make sure there’s a consequence

There’s no point in communicating your boundaries when you don’t set some kind of consequence for people who do overstep said boundaries.

If the person you’re dating always makes plans and doesn’t follow through, they could be overstepping a personal boundary. Sometimes we, as women let bad behaviors, slide because we don’t want to come across as clingy or needy.

However, nobody wants their time wasted and therefore there needs to be a consequence when a boundary is crossed. Communicate to the other person that if they fail to follow through with any plans or don’t communicate when there has been a change you will call them out. Make it clear that if their behavior continues you will have to consider all your options, one of which might be leaving the relationship. Once you have communicated the consequences, make sure that it is enforced.

Don’t let their resistance deter you

There will always be people who go around feeling like their wants and needs are of utmost importance and do take any time to consider the feelings of others. This means that in certain cases setting boundaries and communicating them, especially when overstepping said boundaries benefits them, would rub them the wrong way.

There are times that we don’t make our boundaries clear for fear of the other person’s reaction or what would happen if they resisted. This shouldn’t deter you, setting boundaries are after all a way of showing people how you deserve to be treated and if you are firm in the face of resistance your partner will hopefully realize the seriousness of their actions.

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Never apologize for making your needs known

Whenever you apologize for setting boundaries because you don’t want the other person to feel bad you water down the message. Whenever you apologize, you are showing the other person that although you’ve set this boundary it’s actually wrong. In doing this you are negating your own feelings and suppressing your desire to be respected and treated the way you deserve.

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Once you start setting boundaries, you might feel guilty or selfish, however at the end of the day, they are for your own wellbeing and your mental health. It is a skill that needs practice and the more you do it the easier it becomes.