Trust yourself. We hear this but we are often reluctant and apprehensive to do so. We would rather trust anyone else – our friends, our parents, even a person who has a limited understanding of our situation – than have self-trust.
Why is that?
As children, we are taught to put our trust in others. Well-intentioned parents can often ‘problem solve’ for us, and then we do not make contact with our own inner wisdom. This habit of trusting others is then something we carry with ourselves through life, and we never really cultivate a relationship with the one person who knows our situation best—the person looking back in the mirror.
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How to Develop self-trust:
1. Know thyself
To deeply trust anyone, you have to know that person. It will be important to engage in reflective practice and understand your biases, your complexes, and your emotional triggers. Autobiographical journaling or insight-oriented therapy are two ways people can make this visit with their inner world a practice.
2. Stillness, solitude, silence
We live in a noisy world, and it can often drown out our own inner voice. Whether it’s technology, social media, or our well-intentioned friends and family, when we become reliant on or listen to the message others are giving us, we can miss our own inner wisdom or a pathway to self-trust. Make time to sit in stillness, solitude, and silence. This is easier said than done. So, start with 10 minutes and build up to 1 day of no technology, books, or journals, just unstructured time with yourself. Once you have enough of a capacity, try to spend a few days in silence, stillness, and solitude.
3. Meditate
In order for you to distinguish between your inner guidance and your thoughts, you need to be acquainted with your “observer self.” Meditation helps you cultivate that observer self which will help you distinguish between thought and experience. And for those who say, “I can’t meditate” or “I don’t know how to meditate,” if you can breathe, you can meditate. Just like building any muscle, building your mental muscles also will come with a struggle but it does get (slightly) easier with time.
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4. Pay attention to your sensory experience of a person, place, or thing
Ask your heart and your gut “what do you sense?” Our inner wisdom speaks to us in our three brains — our mind, our heart, and our gut. When you tune into these three centers, you will hear your truth and your guidance more clearly.
5. Pay attention to the big emotions
Whether you are really upset about something or very happy about something, your psyche will communicate to you through emotions. All emotions are messengers that come to teach you something about yourself – the big emotions are loud messengers about your truth. If you are always angry around a person, explore that anger and see what parts of you feel dismissed, or treated unfairly. If you feel you want to spend more time with a person, what parts of you do you access around them that you like?
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Self-trust, like trusting anyone or anything else, takes understanding and commitment. You must show up for yourself every day and pay attention to all the different messages you are getting from your mind, heart, and gut.
About the Author
Dr. Saliha Afridi is a Clinical Psychologist and Managing Director of The LightHouse Arabia, which she founded in 2011. The clinic is a community mental health and wellness clinic providing quality psychological and psychiatric care to children, adults, couples, and families. Dr. Afridi has worked with prominent companies and ministries such as The Executive Council, The National Program for Happiness and Well-being from the Happiness Ministry, many professional service firms, and fortune 100 companies in her bid to dissolve mental health stigma and be at the forefront of the mental health movement within the UAE and the region.
About the Author
