We all struggle with self-doubt from time to time, however, there are those who live with a constant fear that their professional success is a house of cards that could come tumbling down at any moment. They believe that their success has just been a series of lucky draws because they are not inherently able or competent, and if and when people find out what they are really capable of, they will be exposed as a fraud. These people struggle with what is known as the imposter syndrome.

The term was first used by psychologists Suzanna Imes and Pauline Rose Clance in the 1970s. When the concept was introduced, it was originally applied mostly to high-achieving women, but since then research has found that many men struggle with imposter syndrome as well. While imposter syndrome is not a formal mental illness or a diagnosis, people who struggle with this often also struggle with low self-esteem, low self-worth, as well as more serious difficulties such as depression and anxiety.

Many believe that it is only those who newly enter the workforce or position that struggle with imposter syndrome, but that is in fact not the case. Imposter syndrome does not have to do with one inherent ability and is mostly related to how one feels about themselves. The more successful a person is, the more likely they will feel that they are posing or acting in their role. No matter how well they do at work, and how much praise or positive feedback they receive, the idea that they are capable and successful cannot be digested or internalized.

What causes imposter syndrome?

Individuals who struggle with imposter syndrome can come from households where there was a high value placed on achievement. This could be that the parents expected a lot from their children or the parents themselves were highly successful.

Having success as an anchor within a family could result in a person feeling like they don’t measure up to the explicit or implicit standards set for them. The opposite is also true, where some with imposter syndrome come from families that did not have anyone in positions seen as traditionally successful, so who they are and where they come from, feels very different from the role or position they hold today.

High standards

Mainly a result of their family dynamics and societal messages about success and who is capable of it, most individuals with imposter syndrome have very high standards for themselves and anything less than perfect is considered not worthy.

They have internalized messages from their upbringing that their self-worth and their self-esteem is dependent on and defined by worldly achievement and success, and so a lot of energy is aimed at maintaining their position and proving that they are worthy of acceptance, appreciation, and admiration.

Because there is so much pressure to achieve external success, they are less likely to focus on their internal life, which would include self-awareness and a realistic evaluation of one’s talents and abilities. The older they get, the further the less contact they have with their true self, and the less realistic they are about the expectations they set for themselves.

The familial context and their perfectionistic tendencies are exacerbated by social comparison which is amplified in today’s world by social media. These individuals will compare themselves along with their very loud and present inner struggles with filtered and curated snapshots of people who appear to ‘have it all together.’

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How one can relate to the imposter syndrome?

While I would love to suggest a 30-day program, unfortunately understanding and healing these parts of you takes a bit lot longer. You have to travel internally to those parts of you that developed in childhood which linked your value and worth with your achievement. On this journey, you will need to confront your fears of being rejected and abandoned and you will need to heal the parts of you that are laden with shame.

So where does one start in doing the work and the healing associated with the imposter syndrome?

1. Consider your inner world as consisting of many parts

We all have parts of us that are confident, heroic, and whole while having parts that feel vulnerable, victim-like, and fragmented. All parts exist in all of us, some louder than others. There are times you really feel you are fully in your power, and other times you feel you are struggling to find your footing. So, even if there is a part of you that feels like an imposter, know that it is only a part of you. It is not the totality of who you are.

2. “The wound is where the light enters”

Don’t resist the imposter, welcome it, and have a real dialogue with it. You weren’t born like this; you developed this part of yourself because you felt that your sense of self was determined by your accomplishments. This part of you was developed to protect you and make sure you always put your best foot forward. However, it is no longer serving you. And usually, the parts that help us in one phase of our life can hold us back in another. Once you understand the origins of the imposter and realize that it’s pointing towards the parts of you that are unhealed, you can work on healing them, as well as learning the lessons and thanking this part of you that helped you get this far in life. The more you heal, the less power the imposter has and move more and more into your power.

3. Develop a relationship with the imposter

We might never be able to totally rid of this part, however, we can learn to relate to it and keep it in check. Use the following questions to try to understand where it came from, and how it is telling you about what you need to heal. Ask yourself:

What am I afraid of really? What is the worst that can happen?
What are my gifts and talents?
Where in my life do I not feel like an imposter?
When you hear the voice telling you that you are an imposter—listen closely, whose voice is it?
If your friend or a child came to you with similar concerns, what would you tell them?
What would happen if you accepted that you are ‘acting’ a part until you can fully inhabit the part?

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Imposter syndrome is a part of you that is afraid that the authentic self will be rejected and abandoned. When someone is struggling with this issue, they have so much of their focus and attention on keeping appearances they forget to check in with themselves about what is their truth. The lens with which they view the world becomes so corrupted that they cannot see their own talents and dismiss their own abilities.

And while many of us want to quickly rid of this part of us, we may be missing the point. The imposter, if you relate to it as a part of you that is protective, is here to guide you to your wound that needs healing, and eventually, it is here to guide you to your truth.

About the Author

Dr. Saliha Afridi is a Clinical Psychologist and Managing Director of The LightHouse Arabia, which she founded in 2011. The clinic is a community mental health and wellness clinic providing quality psychological and psychiatric care to children, adults, couples, and families. Dr. Afridi has worked with prominent companies and ministries such as The Executive Council, The National Program for Happiness and Well-being from the Happiness Ministry, many professional service firms, and fortune 100 companies in her bid to dissolve mental health stigma and be at the forefront of the mental health movement within the UAE and the region.